Magnificent, isn’t it?

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After a long day out & demanding evening, it’s possible – thanks to the wonders of modern domestic science – to enjoy a healthy and balanced pouch of nutrients, and though the diagram on the front looks terrifyingly wholesome, the preparation method is actually a lot simpler than you might initially suspect!

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What could be easier?  There’s no need for junky takeaways any more now that we have the life-giving Orange Pouch – simply squeeze, tear a small hole, then put in the microwave for 2 minutes (or, as we call it, the Mystical Illuminated Rotating Food Heaterising Cabinet).  It turns out that the “squeeze” phase is more of a palpating action performed gently on the bag, rather than an enthusiastic grab for the middle like a spinster aunty might give.  Incorrect grippage at this early stage can result in bag rupture, and subsequent distribution of the pouch’s payload all over and betwee one’s kitchen floorboards (depending on boardal spacing, naturally).

And is it as good as the picture suggests?  Well, let another picture tell you the thousand words you’re dying to hear… errm… know:

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And the GOOD news is that – according to the information displayed on the pouch – one’s got until October next year to enjoy that particular meal.

Ah dear.  Orange Pouch Bachelor Chow – for those rare moments when you just can’t be arsed to go for a kebab.

Still jealous?

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